"When you begin to think outside the box, you often become some other "leaders" lousy follower. That usually costs something" (Andy Rayner)

"Our guardian angels are bored." (Mike Foster)

It's where I feel I'm at these days. “In the second half of life, it is good just to be a part of the general dance. We do not have to stand out, make defining moves, or be better than anyone else on the dance floor. Life is more participatory than assertive, and there is no need for strong or further self-definition” (Falling Upward. Richard Rohr.120).

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Muslims Took Me In

"You need to know that this is deeply personal. I live among Muslims who have taken me in, fed me, given up their bed for me, cared for me when I wrecked my motorcycle, and have patiently listened to me massacre their language until I could communicate and be a friend."

(K. Hoch. Friend Working in a West African Country)

When Its Too Easy

"It's hard to be a Christian where it is easy to be a Christian & it is easy to be Christian where it's hard to be one"

Richard John Neuhaus

Monday, November 16, 2015

What Is Necessary?

"Because I always believed that the spiritual doesn’t necessarily involve sacrifice and pain. But, as someone I met on this journey said, one must learn what is necessary, not what one wishes."

( Paulo Coelho )

Guide Book Pilgrimage

:..... one can often ruin a good pilgrimage by reading all the leaflets, books, guidelines on the Internet, friends’ comments, and arrive at the place knowing everything one ought to be discovering for oneself, not allowing room for the most important element of any journey - the unexpected."

(Paulo Coelho: Warrior Of The Light Volume 1)

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Serving The Big Something Awful?

"Reading and writing I enjoyed, but religion not so much. When I was a boy, God was a stained-glass ceiling, a deity way up and out there, remote, big, and harsh. There is a descriptive phrase I’ve used for my early view of God, taken from Flannery O’Connor’s “Turkey” story: God was the “Something Awful.”

( Brennan Manning. All Is Grace)

Your Shame On Me

"She grew angry. “Stop that! Stop saying that. You stop that now!”
My mother then stormed toward me and began punching me, over and over, to the point where I fell on the floor. She straddled me and continued to punch me, screaming, “Shut up! Shut up!”
My grandmother then entered the room, and her calm voice halted things. “Amy, you better stop. You’re going to hurt him.”This is what I meant about disarming: She didn’t come in shouting at my mother, as one would imagine she would do. She was calm and somehow knew that her gentle approach would make my mother stop. Whether it was immediate or gradual, I don’t remember. All I know is that the punching stopped. There had been occasions before that moment when I questioned my value as a person, but that experience, when I was eight years old, confirmed my unworthiness. I felt like I would disappear into a pile of ashes.
Shame—what happened when my mother, the dragon, huffed and puffed and blew my self down....

... so was the childhood of my parents and probably their parents. As my friend Richard Rohr said, “If we don’t learn to transform the pain, we’ll transfer it.” I realized my mother wasn’t the dragon; she was another victim of the dragon. But the dragon doesn’t die easily, so the shame just kept passing down the generations. I fear I’ve passed it along as well.

(Brennan Manning. All Is Grace)

Transfer Your Pain

“If we don’t learn to transform the pain, we’ll transfer it.”

(Richard Rohr)

Tuesday, November 10, 2015


"Where did Christians ever get the idea that we could hold forgiveness ransom to an apology?"

- Karl Ingersoll

Monday, November 9, 2015

The Great Sadness

The Great Sadness had draped itself around Mack’s shoulders like some invisible but almost tangibly heavy quilt. The weight of its presence dulled his eyes and stooped his shoulders. Even his efforts to shake it off were exhausting, as if his arms were sewn into its bleak folds of despair and he had somehow become part of it. He ate, worked, loved, dreamed and played in this garment of heaviness, weighed down as if he were wearing a leaden bathrobe—trudging daily through the murky despondency that sucked the color out of everything."

~ William P. Young. The Shack

Lonely Secrets

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."

—Paul Tournier

What God Uses To Teach?

The Warrior of the Light has learned that God uses solitude to teach us how to live with other people.
He uses rage to show us the infinite value of peace.
He uses boredom to underline the importance of adventure and spontaneity.
God uses silence to teach us to use words responsibly.
He uses tiredness so that we can understand the value of waking up.
He uses illness to underline the blessing of good health.
God uses fire to teach us about water.
He uses earth to explain the value of air.
He uses death to show us the importance of life."

(Paulo Coelho : Warrior Of The Light - Short Notes On Accepting Failure, Embracing Life )

Living Your Contradictions

It was dark by the time she finished speaking. The two of them sat watching the moon rising.
“Many of the things you told me contradict each other,” he said.

She got up.

“Goodbye,” she said. “You knew that the bells at the bottom of the sea were not just a legend, but you could only hear them when you realized that the wind, the seagulls, and the sound of the palm fronds were all part of the pealing of the bells.

“In just the same way, the Warrior of the Light knows that everything around him—his victories, his defeats, his enthusiasm,
and his despondency—form part of his Good Fight. And he will know which strategy to use when he needs it. A Warrior does not try to be coherent; he has learned to live with his contradictions.”

( Paulo Coelho : Warrior Of The Light - Short Notes On Accepting Failure, Embracing Life. )

The Command To Move On

"When the order to move on comes, the Warrior looks at all the friends he has made during the time that he followed the path.

He taught some to hear the bells of a drowned temple, he told others stories around the fire.

His heart is sad, but he knows that his sword is sacred and that he must obey the orders of the One to whom he offered up his struggle.

Then the Warrior thanks his traveling companions, takes a deep breath and continues on, laden with memories of an unforgettable journey."

( Paulo Coelho : Warrior Of The Light - Short Notes On Accepting Failure, Embracing Life. )

Commandments That Must Be Disobeyed

First: God is sacrifice. Suffer in this life and you will be happy in the next.

Second: People who have fun are childish. Remain tense at all times.

Third: Other people know what is best for us because they have more experience.

Fourth: Our duty is to make other people happy. We must please them even if that means making major sacrifices.

Fifth: We must not drink from the cup of happiness; we might get to like it and we won’t always have it in our hands.

Sixth: We must accept all punishments. We are guilty.

Seventh: Fear is a warning. We don’t want to take any risks.

These are the commandments that no Warrior of the Light can obey.

(Paulo Coelho : Warrior Of The Light - Short Notes On Accepting Failure, Embracing Life)

Sadly Alive

“You, however, are sad. That proves that your soul is still alive.”

( Paulo Coelho : Warrior Of The Light - Short Notes On Accepting Failure, Embracing Life)

Emotional Rubbish

"There is such a thing as emotional rubbish; it is produced in the factories of the mind. It consists of pain that has long since passed and is no longer useful. It consists of precautions that were important in the past, but that serve no purpose in the present."

~Paulo Coelho : Warrior Of The Light - Short Notes On Accepting Failure, Embracing Life.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

A Boat

“The boat will show you that she is alive and loves life, just as humans do.”

(Greek Fisherman Alexandros Kritsalis in Parikia)

Friday, November 6, 2015

If You Believe In God

"He wanted a narrative to help him express to them not only the depth of his love, but also to help them understand what had been going on in his inside world. You know that place: where there is just you alone—and maybe God, if you believe in him. Of course, God might be there even if you don’t believe in him. That would be just like him. He hasn’t been called the Grand Interferer for nothing."

( William P. Young. The Shack )

In A World Of Talkers

"In a world of talkers, Mack is a thinker and doer. He doesn’t say much unless you ask him directly, which most folks have learned not to do. When he does speak you wonder if he isn’t some sort of alien who sees the landscape of human ideas and experiences differently than everybody else.

The thing is, he usually makes uncomfortable sense in a world where most folks would rather just hear what they are used to hearing, which is often not much of anything. Those who know him generally like him well enough, providing he keeps his thoughts mostly to himself. And when he does talk, it isn’t that they stop liking him—rather, they are not quite so satisfied with themselves."

(William P. Young. The Shack)

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Treating Pain With Clichés

"I worry about people who know why bad things happen or think they can treat hurt with words and pain with clichés."

(Leonard Sweet. The Well Played Life)

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Your Brutal Tips & Techniques Bible

"We must return to the scriptures for the story that it is and stop approaching it as if it is an encyclopedia, looking for "tips and techniques.""

(John Eldredge)

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Oppressed Church

“In the world you can miss it ten times and hit right once and they’re impressed. You can get it right nine times in the church and miss it once and you’re oppressed.” 

~ Larry Randolph

Sunday, October 25, 2015

When I Don't Want To Fight Your Battles

"He nevertheless meets people who ask him to fight battles that are not his own, on battlefields that he does not know, or which do not interest him. They want to involve the Warrior of the Light in contests that are important to them, but not to him.

(Paulo Coelho. Warrior Of The Light : Short Notes On Accepting Failure, Embracing Life....)

About where I'm at the last decade. These other things are good too, just not my battle, not my interest, not my priority.
Therefore, when belonging is hinged on conformity and immersion into your plan, it is you who make render it very hard to belong. When we get labeled for how we conform, or not, to your vision or plan,  it is you who make it very hard to belong.  Much manipulation takes place there.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

When I try to live it out, all hell breaks loose

"As a writer, I live in daily awareness of how much easier it is to edit a book than edit a life. When I write about what I believe and how I should live, it sounds neat and orderly. When I try to live it out, all hell breaks loose."

(Philip Yance)

There Is Crack in Everything

Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in."

Leonard Cohen

Sunday, October 18, 2015

The Way Rules To Live By, Through right Relationships To Live For.

The Way to save the world  is not through more rules to live by, but through right relationship to live for. People are fast loosing the art of being with one another."

(Leonard Sweet. What Matters Most: How We Got The Point But Missed The Person) 

Church Ain't What It Used to Be?

"There was obviously flexability about the order of service in the Early Church which is now totally lacking. There was clearly no settled order at all. Everything was informal enough to allow any man who felt that he had a message to give to give it. It may well be that we set far too much store on dignity and order nowadays. It may well be that we have become the slaves of orders of service. The really notable thing about an early Church service must have been that almost everyone came with a sense that he had both the privilege and the obligation of contributing something to it. A man did not come with the sole intention of being a passive listener. He did not come only to receive, he came also to give. Obviously this had its dangers for it is clear that in Corinth there were those who were too fond of the sound of their own voices: but nonetheless the Church must have been in those days much more the real possession of the ordinary Christian. It may well be that the Church lost something when she delegated so much to the professional ministry and left so little to the ordinary Church member; and it may well be that the blame lies not with the ministry for annexing those rights. but with the laity for abandoning them, because it is all too true that there are many Church members whose attitude is that they think far more of what the Church can do for them than of what they can do for the Church. and who are very ready to criticize what is done but very unready to take any share in doing the Church's work themselves."

(William Barclay. Letter To The Corinthians)

Muted By Your Leadership?

"How often do we lose our true way of missioning in the world because "mere followers" have become muted by the remote control of church leadership?"

(Leonard Sweet. I Am A Follower)

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Never Been Anywhere

"The poor rarely travel. Like us, you have probably traveled widely, at least within your own country, if not to other nations. Aside from occasional bus trips to cities to visit with relatives , and visits to markets in bigger nearby villages, the poor are likely to live and die in a single place, isolated from most of the world around them. As a result, they’re rarely aware of the new ideas and new opportunities that surface so frequently in today’s fast-changing world."

(Paul Polak & Mal Warwick The Business Solution To Poverty)

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

That Look In The Warriors Eye

"You can recognize a Warrior of the Light by the look in his eye. Warriors of the Light are in the world, they form part of the world, and they were sent into the world without saddlebags or sandals. They are often cowardly. They do not always act correctly. Warriors of the Light are wounded by the most foolish things, they worry about trivialities, they believe themselves incapable of growing. Warriors of the Light sometimes believe themselves unworthy of any blessing or miracle. Warriors of the Light often ask themselves what they are doing here. Often they find their lives meaningless. That is why they are Warriors of the Light. Because they fail. Because they ask questions. Because they keep looking for a meaning. And, in the end, they will find it."

(Paulo Coelho. Warrior Of The Light)

Refuting Unnecessary Suffering

"Someone who saw the unnecessary suffering and who will not accept it."
(Paulo Coelho. Warrior Of The Light)

Warriors Never Accept What is Unacceptable

"Hitler may have lost the war on the battlefield, but he ended up winning something too,” says Marek Halter, “because man in the twentieth century created the concentration camp and revived torture and taught his fellow men that it is possible to close their eyes to the misfortunes of others.” Perhaps he is right: There are abandoned children, massacred civilians, innocent people imprisoned, lonely old people, drunks in the gutter, madmen in power. But perhaps he isn’t right at all, for there are also Warriors of the Light. And Warriors of the Light never accept what is unacceptable."
(Paulo Coelho. Warrior Of The Light)

Monday, September 28, 2015

Dialogue With my Neuroses

"Each morning I dialogue with my neuroses and inquire whether they are in a state of acute agitation or in their normal debilitating state. If the former, I ask for the grace to draw upon deeper reserves of empathy; if the latter, I rely on my regular reservoir of compassion. Later in the day, this helps me to be gentle with the nuttiness of my neighbors."

( Brennan Manning. Ruthless Trust )

A Terrorist Spirituality

"I want neither a terrorist spirituality that keeps me in a perpetual state of fright about being in right relationship with my heavenly Father nor a sappy spirituality that portrays God as such a benign teddy bear that there is no aberrant behavior or desire of mine that he will not condone. I want a relationship with the Abba of Jesus, who is infinitely compassionate with my brokenness and at the same time an awesome, incomprehensible, and unwieldy Mystery."
( Brennan Manning. Ruthless Trust )

Must I Fake It With You?

"Is there anyone I can level with? Anyone I dare tell that I am benevolent and malevolent, chaste and randy, compassionate and vindictive, selfless and selfish, that beneath my brave words lives a frightened child, that I dabble in religion and pornography, that I have blackened a friend’s character, betrayed a trust, violated a confidence, that I am tolerant and thoughtful, a bigot and a blowhard, that I hate hard rock?"

(Brennan Manning.  Abba's Child)

I Can't Bare My Soul

"Sensing that if I bare my soul, I will be abandoned by my friends and ridiculed by my enemies, I remain in hiding, borrowing from the cosmetic kit to put on my pretty face."

(Brennan Manning. Ruthless Trust)

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Tired Of Playing With The Box

"I think that in the twenty first century Christians have become enamored with the box, and have ignored the gift. This is what we've done. We decorate our boxes. We label them with signs. We define them by our beliefs. We install sound systems.  Some even have beautiful stained glass windows. But it is still just a box. It's  just a box.  ......

Why do this thing we call church? Why do we do this? I don't want Charlottetown Vineyard to exist so that we can continue to exist. That is not enough for me. It's not enough.....

I want more than the box. I want the gift. Guys, I desperately want the gift, with everything that is in me.  I want the gift. I'm tired of playing with the box. I've played with the box until there ain't  much left  that I can imagine to do with the box. I want the gift."

(Tom Zawacki 2015, Charlottetown Vineyard)

Thursday, September 24, 2015

No Experience.... No Knowledge...

"In Western thinking knowledge is the intellectual apprehension of reality, the mind’s affirmation of a truth perceived. In the Hebrew and Christian scriptures, knowledge is felt; it arises from an experience of God in faith and love rather than from human investigation. Knowledge is the fruit of a faith-encounter with Jesus as the Christ. It is simply not possible to receive the revelation of God in the transcendent/immanent Christ without experience. Experience is an essential part of knowing Jesus and of the whole concept of revelation."
(Ruthless Trust. Brennan Manning)

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Attend My Church Heresy

"'Churchy' thinking is one of the great heresies of the modern church - the notion that unless one appears regularly in a certain kind of building labeled a Christian church, God has no relationship with them whatsoever. This is a manifestation of the current 'preacher-cult' in which the clergy emphasize church attendance as the heart of the religious life, and thereby maintain a Sunday morning fan club." Clyde Reid (1966)

"Some people may have to reject the churches to find Christ and vitality, for there are many churches where it is almost impossible to find or to recover that vitality. And God is surely present outside the churches - often more present without than within. God's spirit is free in the world, and not captive in the churches. The Spirit of God has always resisted our efforts to put Him in a box and control access to Him. The Spirit moves where He will, and sometimes it has to bypass the comfortable, respectable structures we call religious, and speak to us in fresh ways and unaccustomed tongues."

- Clyde Reid (1966)

Jesus Or The Accuser?

"There's a very simple way to discern whether a school of thought comes from Jesus or from the accuser.
The first is always seeking to expand the circle of who you think is your neighbor.
The second is always seeking to expand the circle of who you think is your enemy.
Which of these sounds more like ideology of the typical American church?"

(Ben Fullerton)

Who Is Your Neighbour, versus who is my enemy

Ben Fullerton
There's a very simple way to discern whether a school of thought comes from Jesus or from the accuser. The first is always seeking to expand the circle of who you think is your neighbor. The second is always seeking to expand the circle of who you think is your enemy.

Which of these sounds more like ideology of the typical American church?

Making Laws To Protect Grace?

"Evangelicals have benefited enormously from the faithful and creative labors of many theologians. I certainly acknowledge that for myself. But there are other less acknowledged sides to the story of theology:

- its inability to connect with everyday concerns;
- its use to patronize and disdain others;
- its role in propping up an elitist system of leadership;
- its deadening effects on young theological students;
- its promotion of pedantry and destructive debate;
- its second-hand character that minimizes genuine creative and new perspective;
- the ways it imposes law in the name of protecting grace;
- the ways it preempts and gags conversations that might otherwise break new ground in integrating faith and life.

There is great value in laying a foundation of beliefs. But the methods and disposition of theology have failed to deliver its promise of a richer personal knowledge of God. Theology and church have by and large abducted the conversations that rightfully stand at the heart of the gathering."

Mark Strom:Reframing Paul: Conversations in Grace & Community (IVP, 2000), p. 125

Love Moves Me - And Love Moves Me

Let's do a Sunday Confession.

We have separated "Love" from "Affection" in religious systems. Even taught it so. This has been one of MY gravest errors as a theologian, and human being,  in the past.  This is what permitted me to be too heartless, gave me licence to be a lesser kind of person in how I associate with people... particularly  people I do not like, or understand.

I am not really loving anyone well apart from genuine affection, nor am I really loved without affection. Without affection, love becomes mere obligation, performance, rote, an empty duty that is not recognizing the humanity and value of the person in front of us.  We have all felt the emptiness of acts of service done out of obligation, or duty, but not desire. Dehumanizing to give, and receive. Duty happens, but it is very incomplete. Duty hurts.

Love, separated from affection, is a bar set too low, is a selling out of my call to love as God loves.  (I know what we have all been taught about the four loves, and Agape)

God's love is not separated from affection. Agape is not devoid of affection.. rather is brimming with it. Think of it..... God likes you, has a fondness for you.

As Brennan Manning Meditated on...


"Over the past thirty years, I have prayed that passage (Song of Solomon 7:10ff.) in soaring 747s, monasteries, caves, retreat centers, and deserted places. I believe His desire for you and me can best be described as a furious longing." (Brennan Manning)

We are loved by God "AFFECTIONATELY".

I agree that Agape calls for love as a verb, love as acts of service. But they are "AFFECTIONATE" acts of service, NOT MERE DUTY. 

Affectionless duty,
Affectionless fatherhood,
Affectionless motherhood,
Affectionless marriage,
Affectionless sex,
Affectionless service,
Affectionless meetings and gatherings.
Affectionless conversation and dialogue,
Affectionless relationships,
Affectionless time spent with,

Is not love.

You can quote me... "Love moves me, and love moves me." (Andy Rayner)

Get it?

My Sunday confession... I was wrong, I've called myself, and others I have taught to an error. I have been trying to move on, and I suggest you should also.

When i cannot find a fondness in me towards you, the problem is not what you have done, or not done, it is a failure within me. I've failed to see your worth, and respond according to you worth.

If a man would learn to pray, let him go to sea

Brennan Manning actually worked on s Shrimp boat... as Franciscan

"One day we were on our way home from Beaumont when we caught the end of a Texas tailstorm. The water was calm at first. And our forty-five-foot-long boat bobbed lazily in the water like the boat on the cover of this book. But suddenly the clouds gathered and the temperature dropped. The sea began to churn, sweeping spray across the bow. Waves pummeled the sides of the boat. Our seasoned captain told us to get below. Below deck, we reached for metal handles and dear life. I was convinced we were going to die. Then the storm, the real storm, hit. Winds of 120 miles per hour. Sudden swells ten feet high. It was a fury unleashed.

Someone once said, If a man would learn to pray, let him go to sea. My life has been a life lived in God’s furious longing. And I have learned to pray."

(Brennan Manning.  The Furious Longing of God)

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Suicide Money

"The whole world is committing suicide for monee." (No typo)

Said to Moritz in Brazil by Orlando. Moritz Thomsen‬. The Saddest Pleasure

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Not Seen...

"Sometimes, driven to make an effort that is against my inclinations, my sense of propriety, I will smile at passing strangers, trying to involve them with a desperate, whorish look to look back and acknowledge my existence. But their faces are preoccupied; they look through me as though were transparent or as though I were some old and superfluous derelict about to put the bite on them for a cup coffee."

(Moritz Thomsen. The Saddest Pleasure : A Journey On Two Rivers)

Fascination In Strange Places

"In less than a day I have done my duty as a tourist and am now confronted with the problem of time. My curiosity is too easily satisfied or rather I have learned that the fascination of a strange place is centered in its people rather than and its fuse and monuments. Great bronze statues of generals on horses bore the shit out of me...."
( Moritz Thomsen. The Saddest Pleasure : A Journey On Two Rivers)

Too Many Eyes

"Famous sights seen by too many eyes are robbed little by little of their power to excite or dazzle; each pair of eyes has taken something away. Public things are diminished by lying helpless under the public gaze....."

(Moritz Thomsen The Saddest Pleasure: A Journey On Two Rivers)

Blind, Drunk, or Asleep

"If the trouble isn't with the rider. There's still the threat of the car driver. For some reason most car drivers just don't  seem to see bikes. So ya got to think of them as asleep, blind, or drunk. (Peter Fonda)

Friday, September 11, 2015

Forget A Really Great Career

"Mommy and daddy told me if I work really hard I will have a good career. So if you work hard and have a good career, if you work really, really, really hard, you'll have a great career. Doesn't that, like, mathematically make sense?
Hummm, not!
But you've  managed to talk yourself into that. You know what, here's a little secret. You want to work hard?
You want to work really, really, really hard? You know what, you'll succeed. The world will give you the opportunity to work really, really, really, really hard. But, are you so sure that that's going to give you a great career, when all of the evidence is to the contrary. "

(Larry Smith. TED Talk)